To Serve is Human

I came across a post in a paid mastermind today that ruffled my feathers a bit with the word “trick.” It wasn’t an admin or owner of the group, just a member who bills themself as a copywriter. I’ll get into that post and a video to contrast it with a bit later, first let’s dig into why that matters.

When I realized they’re a copywriter, everything made sense.

Copywriters are typically heavy on strategy and light on the reasoning behind that strategy.

Everything we do is founded in a subtle order – a system of logical steps. When you take out an entire sequence and say “here’s a neat trick, just skip to this right here” you’d like to think you’re saving time, but you’re actually missing out on all the real value that could have come from doing the entire sequence. Meaning, the more savvy your audience is, the more you have to do it more in order to make up for that lack of development.

Granted, it may be easier to grasp a new thing by oversimplifying it.

Much like when you were a kid and food was just something that was put in front of you in bite-size pieces because you were still learning how to even feed yourself – the simplest solution leaves you with the fewest choices, and it’s essentially luck that you find it satisfyingly effective.

At some point you start making food for yourself and learning to control the outcome better so it is more to your liking. Over time, with practice and continually learning to start closer and closer to scratch, you develop a new appreciation for the differences in method and inclusions in the same dish.

This is also corollary to a phenomenon known as “market sophistication.”

Meaning, just as you develop more nuanced taste in what you make for yourself, everyone develops more nuanced taste in what they enjoy as well.

To demonstrate this and continue the food analogy:

Babies tend to have very low sophistication and will pretty much treat anything put in front of them in a few very predictable manners. Some, turn it down simply for being green or new. Others will hardly glance at it before eating everything. They have simple, broadly sweeping rules for engagement with the food before them. If you appease those very simple rules by any approximation, they’re satisfied and that’s ample.

Then you go to the other end of the spectrum with full grown adults who won’t eat anywhere with a decimal place in the menu prices. Some eat exactly the same thing or same small set of things all the time, no exceptions. Some are on a constant pursuit for something surprising. Some would rather talk as little as possible, some want to bring the party.

Either way and for everyone in between, they all expect and trust the chef to create a more than merely satisfying food experience.

The more sophisticated your market is, the more they know what they can expect.

So with all that said, let’s dig into the post I mentioned.

Are these valid tactics for generating conversations? Sure. But if you’ve ever had a broth made from scratch with bone marrow, you know there’s no substitute in networking for making actual relationships.

Can you develop a relationship using these tactics? Like, is it possible? Sure. But the poster never once mentions that the relationships you develop is the reason your network is healthy and engaged “and wants to follow you and listen to what you have to say” and never once mentions how to actually carry that spark into a full blown relationship.

Cue making a guarantee anyway.

Rest assured, anyone who would receive a two-line generic birthday wish through a direct message and decides to think you’re just the best thing since cheesecake, hasn’t had a good cheesecake.

Your best customers know the vast difference between empty promises and an actual olive branch.

The good news is – you do too.

Before you send that message, sit back and ask yourself “what would I think of the person who sent this to me? What would I do in response?”

To continue yet further down this food analogy, ask yourself what you would do if you were on the receiving end of THESE strategies at a restaurant:

Note the fundamental difference between these two examples. In the mastermind post, the writer is suggesting that your networking amounts to words. In the video, Jon Taffer and Gary Vaynerchuk explain that your best networking is in the activities and experiences that you extend to others.

Allow me to rewrite that post.

I’m going to convey the exact same information. The only difference is I’m going to pay a small ton of attention to the experience I’m creating for my reader.

3 Simple Networking Tips

Networking is the king (and queen) in today’s world. As the saying goes, “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”

However, it’s very easy to overcomplicate or get overwhelmed in trying to do it “the right way.” I’d like to share 3 simple ways to get a conversation going and start to build a network of mutually beneficial relationships that last.

1. The Intro Question

When somebody sends me a friend or connection request and I don’t recognize them, here’s a question I like to ask:

“Aloha, [first name]! (because I’m Hawaiian)

Thanks for the connect – I’d love to know, what caught your attention?“

That’s it.

The idea behind this question is 4-fold:

• To start a conversation.
• To give them an experience that is uniquely you.
• To demonstrate you care to learn about what they need.
• To learn why the person connected with you.

While I don’t have any exact data, the response rate to this question has been somewhere between 90 and 99%.

Which is quite nuts.

2. The Facebook Birthday // LinkedIn Celebration

You know how Facebook and basically every social network gives you reminders of people who have a birthday or anniversary. They know it too, so if you only send one message on that day – I mean feel into that, you’d think they were a shitty friend if your actual friend did that to you, right?

So, here’s what I do.

Whenever a person whom I’d like to work with/re-connect/strike a conversation has a birthday…

I think of something I can do for them to bolster their business or interests.

Here’s some examples:

“Aloha! I took this photo of you last year (I know total ninja) and I just spruced it up a bit. Feel free to use it any way you like.”

“Aloha! I was thinking about a post for your group next week. Are you planning any specials for your birthday? Happy to back you up and make the post more relevant for you.“

If I know the person well, I even add something specific just to them, like I might offer to write a testimonial.

If LinkedIn is your main source of connections, look for people “Celebrating X years in/at [company]…”

And start a conversation by congratulating them on that event, in your own words. If you haven’t asked yet, find out why they started the company and what they’re most proud of achieving. People tend to appreciate being given permission and space to boast since it’s so commonly frowned upon otherwise. You’re literally giving them the gift of boasting.

Make it about them and give actual care and attention to them in order to stand out from the people who just send a message without any demonstration of curiosity or knowing of that person.

3. The “Have a Good Day/Week” Message

This is also simple and takes just a minute or two a day.

If you want to be top of mind for some people in your network, just send them a message once every few days with something as simple as:

Yup. That’s a meme. Just, a meme. Something you know they’ll find humorous, relatable, and deeply meaningful. The level to which they respond and when indicates how much time they might have and when, and you learn over time when they’re more or less free to chat and what really brightens their day.

Of course you can keep it more professional, building upon a conversation you had in the past:

“Aloha, [first name],

Just wanted to send good juju for [X project/gig/event]. Kick serious butt and hope to catch up again when you’re over the hump on it.”

Notice how I’m never suggesting this first message should simply end there. I’m always giving people something to bite into and a reason to keep talking.

No guarantees, but if you care and demonstrate care at every turn, you’ll eventually grow healthy relationships with people you enjoy which eventually becomes an engaged network that wants to follow you and listen to what you have to say.

— End —

To serve, is human.

Ultimately we all just want the same thing – to make the best choice. So… be the best choice. Genuinely.

That doesn’t mean you have to be the best choice for EVERYONE. That means you’re the best choice for YOUR people.

Any robot could send the messages described in the original post. We humans have real work to do that no robot or computer can ever replace, and one of those jobs is actually giving a fucking shit about people being enabled to make the best choice for themself.

To truly serve our fellow humans means expanding options and creating ever-better solutions for ever-more people. We are creators! Giving zero options or using the same solution over and over again, is exactly how you break the human spirit and create an “inauthentic” feel.

So skip the “tricks” and go straight to treating people as the priceless, amazing whole beings they are. Just remember: cushy chairs are people too – you’ll do great if you treat celebrities like people, and everyone else like celebrities.